Some of the most tortured people found inside the walls of mental health facilities are people who aren’t what they used to be. Some of them damaged their brains on drugs, some of them developed a severe mental illness later in life, and some just used to be more sharp than they are now. I have to admit, I was one of those cases.
In my case, I’m pretty sure drugs were the culprit behind the development of my severe mental illness, which includes hearing voices. One therapist told me that the most tortured person she’d ever worked with was a young man who was once an excelling student at Stanford. He did drugs, and because of it, he lost a lot of his brain power, and just wasn’t the same. He was tormented about the fact that because of a poor decision, he was no longer as able-minded as he once was.
Sounding sad, right? Well, I want to say, if you can relate, you can find peace. I have, and I was definitely tormented about having a mental disability that developed due to poor decisions. I can barely function working in fast food, which most people consider and easy job. Somehow I’m making it and I’ve got employment, at least for today. On a side note, you can really only ever take things one day at a time unless you can predict the future, which I’m betting you can’t. But yeah, I have employment at all, and hey, that’s a huge blessing!
I kinda had the mentality before that I had to be somebody special to matter. At the root of it was deep pain because of rejection and also pride. I was both arrogant and in a lot of pain at the same time. But, God has worked all my pain together for my good. I’m feeling grateful for a job I used to think wasn’t worth anything. Yup, and I actually enjoy it now too!
What I’ve realized is that I am nobody special, but at the same time have great worth and value. I have come to a point of acceptance of what I can and can’t do. And I have peace about it. Not humble-bragging. I’m just letting you know, that the way to find peace when you’re dealing with a situation like this, is to realize that you don’t have to be all that and a bag of chips to have value. Your worth is inherent, because you’re a human being and God created and loves you.
The last thing I’ll say is, if you’re angry with God about it, just realize that He will use it for your good, and even others’ as well, if you’ll only let Him. Some people are born with disabilities and illnesses. Some people acquire them later in life. Some people have perfect health their whole lives. But regardless, life is hard for all of us. So take heart. You matter, God cares, and you’re not the only one. You’re loved, and your abilities don’t define you. People may judge and reject you because of your disability, but God looks at the heart. So just know that you have value to God, and that’s all that matters.